There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
