those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
