i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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