After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize