I bet he comes in French.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
