New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
