Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
