Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
