i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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