I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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