I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
