My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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