i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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