Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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