i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
