I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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