We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
