If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
