3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
