let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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