i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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