just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize