Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
