Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
