I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
