you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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