I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
