Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
