I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
