im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
