If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
