Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this just has baby written all over it
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
