the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
