Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
