that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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