There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
