Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
