i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize