You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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