i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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