mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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