So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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