Pappa wants mamma naked
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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