Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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