Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
