Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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