they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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