I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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