For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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