Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
