I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
