Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
