My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
