he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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