did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
