That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize