The maid of honor just puked.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
