It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
