Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
