everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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