A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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