Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
