i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
