imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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