U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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