I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
