dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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