And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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