how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
