i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
