Say something about gay babies.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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