Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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