I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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